Feeling small??

I hate to admit this but sometimes I would meet a person and would irrationally feel small. I would feel myself shrinking away. My voice becoming quieter. My laugh more muted. Even my body would slouch in some attempt to disappear. And then... to add insult to injury... my internal dialogue would kick in. It would start to chastise me for my feelings.

"You shouldn't feel this way!"

"You're a grown woman."

"You should be more confident / self-assured / intelligent / humorous / charismatic!"

The result? I would feel smaller and smaller while becoming increasingly confused as to

why I felt that way. Non of it made sense. But then...

I started to use mindfulness as a way to approach the situation.

I started to use curiosity to simply observe what was happening. How was my body feeling? How was my posture? My heart rate? My breath? What thoughts were swirling around in my head? What emotions accompanied them? I didn't attempt to alter anything. I just observed.

I used self-compassion to give myself a break. I was experiencing some difficult feelings. That's ok. It's part of being human, right? So I started to allow myself to feel scared or nervous or worried.

And... you know what? Through simply observing, I gave myself some space from any physical reaction. Through allowing myself my feelings, I had lessened the struggle which meant the feelings could ease away when ready. Through my curiosity, I found that I wasn't actually engaged in the interaction, I wasn't even listening to the person. Instead I was involved in a conversation with some internal critical voice that was telling me how things should or could be.

Mindfulness gave me the space from the situation to re-engage. It was empowering. I found myself relating to people who I had previously found 'difficult'. I found myself voicing my opinions despite feeling scared or nervous. Yep, of course, I sometimes still get caught up in my internal world but mindfulness has given me the tools to catch this moment and pull me back to the present.

Do you ever feel yourself becoming smaller when you meet someone? You can't quite understand why but for some irrational reason you feel yourself disappear? If this happens, if you feel yourself disappearing within a situation, I ask that you just take a moment to observe the moment. I'm not asking you to react or respond but to simply observe and become more aware. Be mindful... It may help you build some space between your underlying worries and the situation.

Just try to be mindful and let me know how you get on...

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